The child you have, when you don't have a child.

I know I haven't written for a very long time. My little brother regularly reminds me how extremely slack I can be, when it comes to updating my blog. 

Yesterday, was my little Molly's first day of school. For those who don't know, Molly is my youngest cousin. She is Five-years-old. I was Twenty-one, when she was born. I have looked after Molly since she was 9-months-old and my Aunty (Nic), returned to work. 

I think I love Molly as if she were my own, I'm not 100% certain of this, because I don't have any children.

I guess it's pretty accurate to state that I love her 'To the moon and back', to use one of her favourite expressions.

I feel a little sad, because I know she will grow up quickly, now that she has started school.  I'm happy for her too,  I understand that tangible desire to get to school and learn to read and write (I was exactly the same way at her age). 

She was delirious with excitement and anticipation yesterday morning, a little snappy and irritable. I'm told she ran into the classroom entirely forgetting to kiss her Mum and Dad 'Goodbye'.

I don't know how they were so cool, calm and collected. I would have been a sobbing mess. 

I suppose, because I expect that I won't get to have my own children, I have a lot invested in my little cousin.
I'm definitely overly-attached to her.

I miss the little baby I used to spend divine days with. 

As a teacher, I know I should be over-joyed at the prospect of her learning and growing; intellectually, socially and emotionally. 

But truthfully and selfishly, 
I'm sad.

Love, 

E. 

Currently Listening to: Beck 'Odelay'

Currently Reading: 'The Blind Assassin' Margaret Atwood.